Why, oh why?

So, i had a reader that wanted to meet me in SL. She thought it would be funny to see what a guy would make out of a girlavatar. I bet she's imagining this Pamela Anderson like statue, wearing a seethrough bikini instead of a formal gown. :)

I've been experimenting a lot with my female avatar. Not with seethrough swimsuits, although that topic was pretty interesting in the beginning, but concerning how i was going to relate with people socially. When guys see me coming along in my high heels and chick outfit (I even sport a Gucci bag. Looks great with Sexy Walk animation), they don't even bother asking wether I'm a male or female in real life. They just assume that I'm indeed a female.

In the beginning that was no issue, after all, I just wanted to have fun. So fooling people was my intention. I wanted people to know that i was a woman in real life. So i developed my image and fake personality with that purpose in mind. I ran around corners with a lot of people, some relationships evolved to become more serious than others. I finally came to the point where I'm really good friends with a lot of people in SL, and i even have a virtual boyfriend.

Noone knows that I'm not a girl in real life. So far, I've had three choices in that matter. I could create a fake RL image to go with my fake virtual image. Make up this long story about how i graduated from a girls school, i lived near my parents, and i looked like this and this. I could also come clean of it all, and tell everyone the truth. But that would kind of destroy the experience entirely, would'nt it? If people knew that i was a guy because i told them so in my profile, they would percieve me like a guy, and expect me to behave like a guy. That was not the point of it all, i did'nt want that.

As you can probably guess, relationships evolved and genuine interest in all the people in our social circle stuck it's head out from the bushes. I was in a huge dilemma. Should i make up my own lifestory from scratch, and suffer even more than i did already in terms of my conscience? And do all the work of creating an image, that i could never be true to in real life? Or should i come to terms, and tell them the truth outright?

I could do none of those things, so i chose to get rid of my real life entirely. I ridded myself of all the friends that wanted to know me personally, and stopped talking about myself. If people asked where i lived, i told them that i lived in that and that apartment in SL. If they asked me what i liked i men, i said "Oh, i don't know". If you see a darkhaired girl somewhere that tends to avoid any personal questions, you can therefore assume that it's me (Or any other girl in SL :P It's not fun to talk about personal stuff)

You get the idea don't you? I stopped lying, but i did'nt tell the truth either - and i don't want anyone around me to know the truth. That would destroy the whole experience.

So if you'd like to meet me in SL, then I'd really like to meet you as well. I just can't for the time being.

What happened today? Well, I've been really short on Lindens lately, but i was lucky to find a really great camping spot, so i earned a lot of money pretty fast. Not that I'm going to use it right now, since I've been experimenting a bit with clothes. If you've never tried to make clothing in SL before, like me, you may have wondered why prim bra's are so rare. I wanted a primbra, because i had a hard time fitting tattoos, jewelry, a necklace, and at the same time still wear something on my upper body. Yup, you've guessed it - I'm addicted to that stuff. The problem was though, that when i put jewelry on my stomach, attached a piercing, wore a necklace, and wanted a tattoo on my back, i could'nt cover my parts.

So what did i do? First i created a prim - the kind that looks like half a sphere - made it hollow, and experimented with the shape. I finally got it just right, and tried to fit it - but it was nearly impossible. Attaching it to the Pec did'nt work out right. You could see the breast when my avatar was breathing. I worked fine on the chest though, but i could only attach one item. After er lot of tweaking i got it just right with two small shells covering each breast, but then i got to the string going around the back wich was the real challenge. I tried using cylinders, but i had to give up after a long time. Everytime i clicked to reajust one cylinder, i ran the risk of my avatar moving out of the pose, so i had nothing to model on. It was a pain, but at least the cups looks alright.

Maybe i should just make a texture consisting of a white color with a black text: "SUPERGLUE" written on it, and then hope for people to accept it. Although I'm a guy, and don't know much about bra's (Except how to unhook them), I've got my doubts wether superglue'd pieces could actually support anything. :P

So i gave up, and went back to camping for the moment. I'm at 600L ! Yay, i think I'm going to spend it on a new skin. I'm growing tired of this shiny red lipstick, and the weird eyeshadow. But then again, i might spend it on hair.

As far as these womanly experiences that I'm so unaccostumed to, nothing has really happend today, other than me playing dress-up. By the way, anyone knows some valueable information about making your own prim hair? I need to look that suff up.

I've got some stuff that still needs to be done, and i think I'm going to write about that next. There's a lot about being a woman that i hven't experienced and still want to, number 1, is that real friendship and strong bonds some women have together. You probably remember that kind of couple from high school, the two girls that always clings together and are untieable. I want to try that, and find out why the hell these close friendships are so compelling to women.

Whatever, i guess I'm going to find a really good friend sometime.