Romance

Now I'm going to blog about a romantic evening. I said in my first post that blogging in itself might be a challenging experience to me, but it's nothing compared to this. I consider myself a pretty honest guy, and I'm not all that unfamiliar with speaking my mind - but telling a tale of romance, that i was actually part of from a womans point of view, might give myself a lot of... Well... Disturbing feelings. So bare with me.

I was cleaning one of the windows and reading over some of the comments in my blog. I'm really happy for the responses I've got. A lot of people have talked about my blog lately.

Then my boyfriend suddently send me a teleport request without warning. He's a lot about spontanous romance, which is great. I saw the teleport request a little late though, and when i finally arrived he had gone because of a disconnect. I could'nt help but feel a little in awe about the location. There was a piano, a beautiful little pond, and lots of tree's. It was truly romantic, especially with the chirping sounds of the birds, and the sound of running water.

While i waited for him to come back online anticipating his next move, a guy walked up to me in the middle of the woods. He had some pretty cool hair, a nice silver necklace, and had a really buff upper body. While i don't get turned on by any male qualities, he still looked intimidating and interesting. He started a conversation about the place here, and told me how much he liked it. I asked him if he'd ever been to SVARGA, and gave him the landmark. Of course i knew what he was up to. I don't think there's any girls in Second Life that knows more about men than i do.

So he asked me if i wanted to show him the place. He was'nt that bad, and i seriously considered it. But the situation was just a bit awkward, so i had to drop the bomb. "I'm sorry, I'm waiting for my boyfriend. He wanted to show me this place". Then he wrote something back to me that still fascinates me, and makes me wonder. Not that it's all that unusual, almost every guy do it way too much. He wrote "I'm sorry". What's there to be sorry for really?

Anyway, i wrote "Aww, it's okay, I'd like to show it to you sometime though. You have to see it sweetie. This place is nothing compared to SVARGA :)" - i felt like i did'nt want to push him all the way out of the dark. I could sence that being rejected in that way was actually a bit of a putdown on him, wich is typical. I know from my own experience that a lot of guys take a lot of courage to strike up the simplest of conversations. Every time we do it, we run a legimate risk of rejection.

It still baffles me though. Why don't they just look for friendship instead?

Anyway, he said bye a lot of times - i almost felt embarrased standing there saying "see you hun!" like 3 times in a rough. As soon as he had teleported away, my 'date' showed up. He looked the same as always. And now I'm going to let you into a little secret.

I do have feelings for him. Absurd, is'nt it? Yeah, it's damn fucking absurd, and i only just found out today. But i think he's cute (That sentence made me feel so fucking uncormfortable, that i had to roar in real life to balance out the testestorone). He said he had to go back to work pretty soon, but that he wanted to kiss me. Really sweet of him, he does that sometimes, out of the blue. So we found a set of poseballs, and sat on them. The thing about my boyfriend that i find so 'cute' (Yuck, i fucking KNOW), is that he's pretty slow sometimes. :) He can take ages performing the simplest tasks, like clicking the poseball. So i right clicked the red one, and stood there kissing the blue air - while he was fumbling around with his camera controls as usual. :P

He finally got on it though, and then another ladylike thing happened that is related to that 'cute' thing. He was standing a bit absurd, while i did'nt see it at that point. I was hanging with my arms around his neck, with one of my feet lifted from the ground, really elegantly, leaning towards him. He - on the other hand - were standing with his knees bend as though he was sitting in an armchair. His hands was'nt really holding me, they were more like pointing directly forward, bending nowhere near my back. It looked like he was carrying a huge sack of flour, and his posture reminded me so much of a gorilla that i began to laugh in real life.

Then there was this quiet silence, which is also 'cute' (I'm going to kill myself), because of the way i imagine him in real life. I imagined him looking at his screen in patience, and then slowly, in his almost turtle-like way realize that his posture was the stupidest ever. And then he finally wrote "there's a lot of air between us". Like, totally stating the obvious. I nearly died laughing.

So we kissed, and then all of the sudden he stopped the moment in an instance. He said "I just wanted to kiss you, i need to go back to work". With work, he means camping ;) And you know what that idiot wrote afterwards? :P "I took your camping spot!". I'm seriously beginning to understand why women always swatter after me, when i crack a really evil joke, or do something selfish. I actually felt like hitting him in a good way, and give him that famous "look of death" that all women master so well.

So he teleported away, and once again i stood in this beautiful area looking at the moon shining through the treeleafs, thinking about the experience. How weird everything has become, and especially how much I've been able to feel lately.

The thing is, everytime it happens - that i feel something that i call "girlish", like this experience of romance.... I have to review everything. While this experiment is really interesting to me, i don't want it to go out of control. And i still want it to be fun. But there has to be a limit you know?

And i can't help but wonder... How much can i actually experience? I will probably never menstruate (Hopefully... Shit... That's scary), but will i ever feel the need to create drama? Will i start testing the guys that wants to date me? Will i generally become more like i woman? Will the estrogen in my body build up so high, that I can't even swat a spider in my livingroom?

So far I've managed to keep my feet on the ground. At least i think so.