Sex!

Yup, i promised you girls that i would write about sex. However, i haven't been able to write anything out as of yet, because i simply did'nt know what to tell you about.

Obviously I've had some experience with sex in Second Life. You all know what the first thing guys would like to explore if given the chance, and it's no secret, I'm just as curious as the next.

However, i soon came to the point where i became somewhat addicted to my avatar in the sence that i respected her. Everyone knows that you come to identify a lot with your avatar. I, for one, did'nt. Until i actually decided to cross the boundary. See - i had'nt really considered having sex using poseballs. I found the thought appalling in a way, that i haven't told you yet. I'm going to tell you that later.

But for the sake of experimentation i decided that i had to cross that boundary. I accidently bumped into a hardcore sexshop, as i was looking for animations, and i saw some of the poseballs do their work up front. At first it was'nt so bad, but i found it pretty tiresome in the long run - especially since i did'nt have a partner to enjoy the animations with.

"So.... I'm a girl now. How hard can it be to find a guy that wants sex?" was my first thought on the subject, and naturally, i started searching. First thing up, i found a nudist beach, and decided to give it a go. I dropped in, dropped my clothes as well, and wandered around with my sexy walk amongst the excessive amount of testosterone at the teleport-area. Needless to say, i had someone hit on me pretty fast.

Oh wait, did i say hit on me? Absolutely not. He asked me, and I'll quote: "U wanna fuck". That was the most repulsive inquire I've ever heard as a lady, nevertheless, i figured the other guys were away - and i had already promised myself that i would try this thing out. Truth be told, i don't even know what would be worst at that point. Having sex with a man, from a womans point of view - or going through pretences for romance that i found equally disturbing.

But we located a nice house nearby with a hell lot of poseballs, and we more or less started working on them. I'm going to spare you the intimate details, mostly. First, i gave him some mouth-to-crotch (Cough), and he gave me compliments on my delicious behind. I said that i wanted to suck is fucking cock like a lollipop, while humming the national anthem. I had a hard time taking it seriously, since the animations at best, were horrible. Oh yeah, and then the thought suddently hit me.... Pure instinct led my cursor to the X on top of the Second Life viewer, wielding a trail of fire behind it, like Dr. Phil in Ozzy Osbournes daycare.

He was'nt typing. He was jacking off. While looking at MY GIRL.

I stopped for a moment, then realized that it was just pixels. I was still angry, and felt really dirty. The bad kind of dirty. But I was stubborn as always, determined to let this guy rock his nuts off, and make him blow his load like a good girl. Like my girl would. Mine. I opened up a First Life bottle of Jack Daniels, and poured a glass before starting 'roleplaying'.

I'm going to jump to conclusions, no more details. I forgot most of them anyways. It took ages, poseball after poseball. We even had to walk into the house, and try at least hundreds of positions in the sexbed before he was finished. And how did i find out he was done? He logged off, after a lot of silence.

I was left behind feeling that it was a huge waste of time. And rightly so, if i can say so myself. At that point, though i did'nt fully realize it, i was already on my way to becoming a woman. I felt disgraced by everything, and i could'nt even concentrate on the visual pleasure. I felt like he was ruining everything. I don't quite know how to describe it, but he was'nt interested in ME. I wanted to have him compliment my clothes, it took me like 10 fucking seconds to shape my avatars ass, but the hours after hours i put into the clothes, that i honestly thought looked really nice on my virtual girl, was the real effort. If you can't see the connection in this virtual scenario to a real life situation, you don't have enough experience with girls to read my blog anyway. I'm going to leave you to interpret what i found out, and the realization i came to.

But to make everything a little more vivid and explanatory, I'll knock it down a notch, and analyse myself and my own behavior looking in the rear mirror. BOTTOMLINE: I created this girl. I made her look, excactly what i wanted her to look like. Her personality, is the personality of the girl from my dreams. Her taste, her feelings, her behavior - everything is like i WANT IT TO BE. Now, would i want a girlfriend, the partner of my dreams, the ultimate lover, to be promiscuous? .... Hell..... no. And that's how i identify with her on some level - she's me.

Let me tell you a short story about some scientists resarch, i once read about in a magazine - and I'll let the rest of the thinking up to you. Basically, the scientists wanted to see what genes would do in terms of the ideal partner a person would choose. So what they did, was that they showed the subjects of the experiment 10 pictures of different people of the opposite sex. But one of these people's pictures were manipulated using a computer, morphing characteristics of the subjects FACE on to the picture. Which means, that one of the pictures among the ten, were essentially themself. Only of the opposite sex. All the guys in that experiment picked the girl that was essentially themself, telling everyone around them how GORGEOUS that girl looked, not even realizing that they were only praising their own traits. I'm serious, they did'nt realize it.
And the conduct WAS real. You can look it up on the Internet yourself.

That being said, If i actually was a real girl going through what i just went through, I may have needed more than one shot of a liquor bottle to get over the discomfort. I can tell you that much.

So... Think about it for a moment. Do you see the connection? The girl i created, essentially being me? Me being the best fucking lover i could ever want? Am i losing my sense of interpretation, or am i in love with myself here? If so, where the hell does the feminine characteristics come from? I realize that this entry as a whole is a little too dull for some, but you gotta admit, it raises some interesting questions.

I know what I'm going to write about next, and i pretty much got the whole entry figured out - but i want to keep open for ideas. If you guys want to hear about a specific subject, or have any questions, please write them in my comment and i will take it under consideration.

Get out!

I'm sure there's a couple of guys out there that will nod in silence when they read on. You know when your girlfriend asks you to go with her into a shop that sells womens clothes? I've always felt incredibly inadiquate these stores.

That fear came up in me again today, when a friend and I browsed around SL for a new skin. There were a sign saying "Males staring at girls trying out skins, or hitting on the girls, will be kicked out immediately!". I had already brought my cursor down to the bottom of the screen almost anticipating some raised eyebrows from the female audience around me, when i remembered that my male genetials was'nt present.

I felt for a moment, like I was a little boy again sneaking into my dads toolbox even though i was'nt allowed. Or the time at school when i was only seven years old mistaking the "L" on a bathroom-door for "Lads", instead of Ladies - and a girl 2 classes above me reminded me that I picked the wrong room at the top of her lungs.

But as with my dads toolbox, i started feeling really good all of a sudden. And no, for once, this is not the perverted sort of good feeling that i keep joking about. I remember the joy i felt like it was yesterday, that he actually permitted me to take a look in his toolbox. Not only that, i could borrow his hammer if I wanted to. I was becoming a man.

That's how i feel still, when i walk in and shop, casually talking with the other girls trying on demos. Like I'm exclusively permitted. That I'm actually allowed. Though the sense that i should'nt be there still itches the back of my head.

More of these weird situatins include when girls strike up conversations with me, saying "Hey sweetie". Natural instinct is to react with a smile on my lips, ready to write back some flirty remark - but that would'nt do of course.

The best of the best thing, is that you don't have to have an opinion on anything to get by. "Oh, i don't know" is a legimate answer to literaly everything a guy throws at you. You can just answer it, and they'll maybe nag you ONE more time, if they got the balls. Not like "us" damn girls that keep asking questions, and does'nt stop before they get the answer they want to hear, or realize that the guy just won't bulge.

Of course, that's not always so. Anyways....

I haven't slept all night, right now I'm looking for a live-concert in SL that will do my Avatar good. At this point i don't really care if it's chilling ambient, or skull-grinding death metal or punk - as long as i can find something a bit more inspiring to listen to, than the usual DJs out there. This is proving very hard, very difficult indeed.

Next, i will write about sex.

About the site.

I have not really been posting for a... Uhm... Month. Yes, i know it's been a long time, there's a good reason for that. I've been reviewing my second life, as well as the first, and thought a lot of things through. The first being, that i spent so much time within my second one, that i nearly did'nt have any time for the first one.

So i haven't been online i Second Life for a long time. However, as you can see in my last entry, it's not the only reason. I've been pretty weirded out with the way things went by, so i simply had to pull the plug for a couple of weeks.

However, I'm back now. And I'm going to post on a regular basis, so stay tuned, and thanks for the interest so far.

Another funny fact that I'm going to write about, is that a real life friend of mine got so inspired by my tales that he decided to create a female character of his own! Not only that, Natalia from slnatalia.blogspot.com has also written an entry about her being a guy for a day. So i guess I've been inspiring a lot of people, wich is fine by me. Seriously, try it. But don't get too sucked up in it.

So more posts coming as soon as I've swung back into my second life. As of right now, I've been logged on for nearly 2 hours, and everyones been like "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?", so there's a lot to do. Catch up with you all later.